Now mind you, we are no marriage counselors, only two people who have, by God’s grace, remained standing through some of life’s difficult storms. And while our love is deeper and more genuine today than years ago, this love hasn’t come without it’s share of pain, largely due to unrealistic expectations.
"Realize that unrealistic expectations in marriage can lead to disappointment. You shouldn’t lower your standard but do look at marriage in the context of real life, not the fairy tale world that you may have imagined…" (Taken from an e-letter from Family Life Today, 1/3/08)
First of all, Katie and I have discovered the importance of dating again. If nothing else, it gives our marriage the alone time it needs to simply be with each other.
Secondly, we have found that many of our dreamy expectations of how marriage (and family life in the home) should be, have come from movies and stories of our culture that are merely scripted but often not based in the reality of humanness and the propensity to selfishness, and especially not committed to divulging the reality of the transformation process in the midst of life.
In short, we believe in the victory of Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit at work in us, in the midst of our humanity. He comes to us to embrace us right where we are, changing us through the daily struggles and joys of our relationships with each other by the power of His love and Spirit at work in us.
We are free. We need not try to conform to the happily ever-after stories of Hollywood (although our hope is in the ultimate ever-after reality), nor be discouraged when our lives don’t mirror the ‘ideals’ of the stage of our minds.
Only let us be encouraged to submit to one another in love and to trust Jesus to change us, He who has authored our faith and is now perfecting it until the day He returns or we are taken. And let us walk in the forgiveness and patience that Jesus Himself extends to us.
May you be encouraged in your marriage today. And please, if you have any thoughts or response to this message, feel free to send them.
Here are the other points from Family Life:
Don’t settle for the status quo. God wants you to have a dynamic fulfilling marriage, so take steps to reach for that goal.
Read marriage books and attend seminars like the Weekend to Remember marriage conference to find out what a realistic God-honoring marriage looks like. Talk with your spouse about the expectations of marriage each of you has and analyze ways you can improve your relationship using God’s plan for marriage.
Together look for adjustments in your lifestyle that will allow you to work toward meeting those standards.
Plan some fun couple activities—do some of the things you did while dating. They worked then to bring you closer together, and they can work again.
Get involved in activities that will build your marriage. Join a small group like HomeBuilders where you will be encouraged to keep growing in your relationship with your spouse.
Take note of the things you appreciate about your spouse and give thanks and praise often for the everyday tasks that he or she does that make life better for you. It is easy to take these things for granted, but when we express appreciation we add a little dash of spice to our spouses’ day.
Make your marriage your top priority. Schedule date nights and getaways on a regular basis.
Chris
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